You cant save the world.

A big part of my adjustment from being a boy growing into a man has been my change of being less idealist and more realist.

I have always been an idealist. It has always bothered me when i see things that are wrong, bothered to the point of wanting to fix it. Be it giving a homeless man a couple bucks, give a ride to someone, being a listening ear, sometimes even sacrificing time.

As i have gotten older, i see that people take advantage of people that are giving. Its not a good thing, but it is the truth. Look around any you can always see it. People looking to take advantage of other's generosity. At some point, the generous person has to look at the situation and say, "I am willing to be generous until X point."

Being idealistic has made several things much more difficult. Dating women particularly. Women are won with the exterior, with the flash. Even when they dont admit that they favor the tall, flamboyant, cocky type over the practical, modest type; their actions suggest that they do. How many women married that guy they though was hot from high school or college and are now miserable? In my idealism, I have always just wanted a girl to like me before i start spending the money. As i am single and 33, its pretty obvious that that doesnt work.

The other difficult part about the transition is that the bible is idealistic and most people i know say they are strict adherants to the virtues taught in the book. But what people say and what they do in reality are quite different. Blessed are the peacemakers. How? In America? How? Difficult for a rich man to get into heaven? if so, why do all americans want to be rich? Do unto others?

That is the idealism that i have had to deal with in my head as i watch reality all around me. In reality, the Christian prays and asks for forgiveness. This is much easier than to repremand oneself from doing with one knows they shouldnt before they do it.

I fear if i try to lead an idealistic life much longer, i will go insane. Seriously. It just doesnt fit. The real world and idealism. Because in the end, people just bend their logic to fit their needs; just as I am doing. So ill rewrite some of the rules that i have until now strictly denied myself.

1) Choose two or three positive things to do that will give back to society; the rest of the time be a bit selfish.

2) Dont put anyone, ANYONE above getting angry at. Just because of someone's position is no reason to believe they are above getting angry at.

3) Ignore some things you dont want to hear or dont have time for. We owe ourselves first, then our kids, and everyone else can wait.

4) Sometimes its ok to use people, just do your best not to mislead them. Tell them that they cant have what they want out of you, and if they still want to be around you, that is on them.

5) Dont worry about what someone you barely know or may never see again will think about you or your race. Someone wants to think all black people are a certain way because of how i am can think it. Its not my job to always represent my race.

6) Keep the people that are good for you in your life and push away those that are not. You dont have to take crap off of people because of who they are. We all have the ability to say yes or no to a phonecall/email/snail mail. besides, life is too short.

7) Modesty is good sometimes, but sometimes is better to just get yours. Sometimes modesty means that the fat woman at the table gets the T bone steak and you get the chopped steak.

8) Dont take crap off of people that dont give you money, help, or a chance at success. If they arent helping you in any way, there is no reason to take their crap. If they are helping you and you need the money, do what you gotta. The day you dont need them, dont take crap from them. It is the decision of the giver to give each time they do. That is what loans are for.

9) Do what you want to do. Not everyday, not all the time, but some times. Even if you do it alone, it doesnt matter.

10) Be your own best friend. Im good at this one. The need for having good friends is overrated at best. If you are happy being with yourself then it doesnt really matter how many friends you have. because in reality people that have 100's of friends really only have a few that are down for them in the hardest of times. Which probably isnt much different from the person with few friends.

Living my life this way makes it much easier to deal with things. I just hope when i leave this planet, the good i have done doubles or even triples the bad.

Then i would consider my life a success.