It is better to have loved and lost..."

I was a fool when i had a good girl to date. I was very foolish.

I will leave it at that.

I must say that im not sure if I will ever know what it is like to find "that person". I know what it is like to find someone that you can settle for. I know what it is like to be rejected. I know what it is like to like someone that doesnt like you back. I know what it is like to have someone like you when you dont like them.

I dont believe love exists in japan. Not romantic love. At least in my situation. It seems "love" is a decision based on wiether my life will improve should i choose to be with you. If that improvement is not quantifiable, then there is no love. Maybe im being a skeptical 33 yr old. But in my eyes, peoples dating choices almost exclusively are determined by improvement in "social status".

I just remember being younger and believing that "love" was this incredible, supernatural entity. And uncontrollable force that could conquer anything.

and it is, but not romantic love. Love for the fellow human being.

I substitute my need for love with a woman with love for kids. I pour it into basketball and teaching now.

But there was a time when i loved a particular person in a way they i cant quantify with words. It consumed me. And now that i dont really talk to her anymore and i can step back from it and see objectively, it was both a very good thing and a very bad thing.

When i was in that relationship, i needed people. I needed her. I was dependent. I had a weak spot. That was the bad part. The part that i couldnt control. Now without that dependency, i am truely independent and self-sufficient. I have surpised myself with how i can deal with Christmases and Birthdays alone.

It doesnt hurt anymore and i know that means i am getting stronger.

Heartbreak does that to you. Of course in this situation, it may have in fact been my own recklessness as a young man that costed me someone who was one very near and dear to me.

We must take life as it comes and make the best of what it is. Enjoy today, value those people that are most important to you and remember the feelings of others first.

words of wisdom from a single 33 year old man.