I coach a kid that reminds me of how i would have been if didnt have a strong father.
Dealing with my dad is difficult, granted. but growing up with that helped me understand how to be a man. See, a real man can use someone to lean on at times, but he doesnt need someone to lean on all the time. A man can make his decisions and live with them. He can be content with the idea that he can make his own choices, and the people around him can suck lemons if they dont agree.
The kid is blessed with raw talent. He makes incredible plays. But he wants attention so much that he makes plays based on that and not solid basketball decision making. The only way to deal with it is tough love. I know that i am not the poster child(man) for tough love. I am generally mild tempered if not jovial with kids. I disipline kids from time to time outside of basketball practice, but never in a loud, repremanding tone.
The basketball situation is different. I sense myself changing into a real coach. I use strategy against other coaches, in motivating my players and even in motivating myself. I used the whole summer to develop talent, handling, shooting. In our first "exhibition" game, we played the champs from last year and got beat up pretty good. My best player had his finger broken (goodness knows how...but knowing how some other coaches feel about being beaten by a black coach, i can imagine), another twisted an ankle in a 16 min, 2 quarter game. I certainly understand the intensity, dont get me wrong. But on the middle school level, the hard fouls was a bit more than i expected first game of the season. Nevertheless, i deliberately did little game prep for this game. I only had the returning starters practice as normal without implementing any strategy before or during the game. I made sure that no one saw me call out one single play.
Im good at basketball strategy. Mainly because i teach my kids to think on the court so they can solve problems together on the court. That is where the basketball around me is failing. The kids are obeying the coaches direct orders. So its basically get it to the big man or jack up a 3. There are times for that, but i am teaching kids how to beat someone off the dribble. I am teaching kids to play in high school. How to get into the paint and make split second decisions. How to read your man by his feet and back posture. How to see the whole court. So yes, we did take some lumps in not preparing as hard as we could for the seeding games. now comes the games that matter. On Oct 17, we will be ready.
The real problem is the me attitude. I am certain that american coaches deal with this. but in america, we also know to ride a hot hand. We know that if someone is hot and we take a shot and miss, it could get you yanked. I am in the process of teaching that now. It isnt that only one person wins. The whole team wins. So if one guy gets 47 pts and the offense is working properly, then there is a chance that someone has 23 assists. There were 23 good screens set for the one player. But when players have a me first attitude, they only see when the crowd is clapping for them and not the team.
So back to the kid. He is in a tough situation because, well, its not much unlike inner city black kids living with just one parent. quite similar actually. But as the youngest, he is attention starved and it makes for an unruly kid at times. He can be a happy and jovial as the next kid one day and barely say a word the next. He believes the weight of the world is on his shoulders, and i can identify with it. He is teaching me. There are times i get so mad at him i cant see straight, and times when i cant help but laugh. But i need to teach him life lessons; lessons that i learned.
That you are your own P.R. agent. That you dont have to be best friends with people to work together. That we should always remain open minded. That we should be modest at times. And most importantly, we must put our best foot forward when we are engaged in an endeavor.
I am not afraid to bench any player on the team for not doing what i say. And i feel secure enough in my position to not suffer any serious flack for it. But in order to reach our goal this year, we need everyone to get on the same page.
I need to make sure that happens in the next two weeks.
And i love doing it with all of my heart.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Bills bills bills.
It really sucks that each month all of my bills are due on the 25th and payday is on the 30th.
I mean really. Come on. pay us 10 days earlier like the rest of japan. So with this being the last 7.5 man backpayment on Kokumin hoken, yes, i am broke at the end of the month. Not to mention that i must pay my fat tax bill at the end of october along with my 2.4 man kokumin hoken bill. Ouch.
Living in Japan is expensive. but i do have legit healthcare, even though i dont have a "full time"job, as my current "part time" job is in its fourth year.
Sure is something, what greed does to people. It is so evil. We all know right and wrong. We also know legal and illegal. So when your job is to protect a process that is both wrong and illegal, how can you live with it? It has to change a part of you into trying to find any explination to validate your existance.
If my job were to find ways to pay hard working people less and rip them out of their paychecks, how could i get used to it? Im not sure i could.
Oh well, i am still surviving. Ill be ok...
...but the longer people do things like this and can get away with it, the more they can convince themselves that their actions are not as bad as they seem.
The ends do NOT justify the means.
I mean really. Come on. pay us 10 days earlier like the rest of japan. So with this being the last 7.5 man backpayment on Kokumin hoken, yes, i am broke at the end of the month. Not to mention that i must pay my fat tax bill at the end of october along with my 2.4 man kokumin hoken bill. Ouch.
Living in Japan is expensive. but i do have legit healthcare, even though i dont have a "full time"job, as my current "part time" job is in its fourth year.
Sure is something, what greed does to people. It is so evil. We all know right and wrong. We also know legal and illegal. So when your job is to protect a process that is both wrong and illegal, how can you live with it? It has to change a part of you into trying to find any explination to validate your existance.
If my job were to find ways to pay hard working people less and rip them out of their paychecks, how could i get used to it? Im not sure i could.
Oh well, i am still surviving. Ill be ok...
...but the longer people do things like this and can get away with it, the more they can convince themselves that their actions are not as bad as they seem.
The ends do NOT justify the means.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Motivation...
...where is mine?
Im getting to a point in life where i dont want to study japanese anymore. I mean, i know there is a lot i need to still learn, but it seems like now is good enough. I gotta find some motivation to study for 1kyu.
Id much rather be coaching basketball. It truely is my passion. The shoulds have turned into coulds.
I should read the japanese paper today turned into I "could" read the japanese paper. I should crack open my JLPT books turned into I could. No matter, ill just keep plugging away at the coaching and let my japanese continue to come to me naturally.
What i really need is to be in a class surrounded by people pushing to learn japanese. But most people here 1) have a girl that speaks english already 2) dont have interest in learning or 3) are learning for different reasons. But im used to it i guess. I kinda lament being around foreigners alot here mainly because our language all but separates us from our surroundings. If a group of germans go to america and only use german, they will naturally separate themselves from their environment. Here, the only real difference is that everyone is just dying for a chance to use their english, so you usually attract the people that want to practice english and repell the normal people here who are interested in other things.
Its not biggie for me anyways. I have my spots to go for my fill of being surrounded by japanese people. What would be cooler is if i have 2 or 3 fluent foreign friends that were down to hang out and demand the conversation be in japanese. But you know, its what it is.
That Shinjinsen is coming. I am excited and I am a bit worried. Im having to temper the kids arrogance and overconfidence with making my persona meaner. Im not really a mean person, but i have to do it. I have to transition from the nice friendly guy that let them play 5 on 5 all summer into the guy that is getting them ready to win. This sunday win.
Maybe the hardest thing to teach kids is that they need to listen and observe. It is what makes Chris Paul the best point guard on the planet. He can see everything, and pays attention to everything. There is an old saying that goes something like only stupid people think they know everything. It is true. There is so much to learn. So much.
so i guess it leads me back to my lack of desire to learn japanese. I guess it means i need to find a new something to pour my interest into.
I wonder what it will turn out to be.
Im getting to a point in life where i dont want to study japanese anymore. I mean, i know there is a lot i need to still learn, but it seems like now is good enough. I gotta find some motivation to study for 1kyu.
Id much rather be coaching basketball. It truely is my passion. The shoulds have turned into coulds.
I should read the japanese paper today turned into I "could" read the japanese paper. I should crack open my JLPT books turned into I could. No matter, ill just keep plugging away at the coaching and let my japanese continue to come to me naturally.
What i really need is to be in a class surrounded by people pushing to learn japanese. But most people here 1) have a girl that speaks english already 2) dont have interest in learning or 3) are learning for different reasons. But im used to it i guess. I kinda lament being around foreigners alot here mainly because our language all but separates us from our surroundings. If a group of germans go to america and only use german, they will naturally separate themselves from their environment. Here, the only real difference is that everyone is just dying for a chance to use their english, so you usually attract the people that want to practice english and repell the normal people here who are interested in other things.
Its not biggie for me anyways. I have my spots to go for my fill of being surrounded by japanese people. What would be cooler is if i have 2 or 3 fluent foreign friends that were down to hang out and demand the conversation be in japanese. But you know, its what it is.
That Shinjinsen is coming. I am excited and I am a bit worried. Im having to temper the kids arrogance and overconfidence with making my persona meaner. Im not really a mean person, but i have to do it. I have to transition from the nice friendly guy that let them play 5 on 5 all summer into the guy that is getting them ready to win. This sunday win.
Maybe the hardest thing to teach kids is that they need to listen and observe. It is what makes Chris Paul the best point guard on the planet. He can see everything, and pays attention to everything. There is an old saying that goes something like only stupid people think they know everything. It is true. There is so much to learn. So much.
so i guess it leads me back to my lack of desire to learn japanese. I guess it means i need to find a new something to pour my interest into.
I wonder what it will turn out to be.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
You cant save the world.
A big part of my adjustment from being a boy growing into a man has been my change of being less idealist and more realist.
I have always been an idealist. It has always bothered me when i see things that are wrong, bothered to the point of wanting to fix it. Be it giving a homeless man a couple bucks, give a ride to someone, being a listening ear, sometimes even sacrificing time.
As i have gotten older, i see that people take advantage of people that are giving. Its not a good thing, but it is the truth. Look around any you can always see it. People looking to take advantage of other's generosity. At some point, the generous person has to look at the situation and say, "I am willing to be generous until X point."
Being idealistic has made several things much more difficult. Dating women particularly. Women are won with the exterior, with the flash. Even when they dont admit that they favor the tall, flamboyant, cocky type over the practical, modest type; their actions suggest that they do. How many women married that guy they though was hot from high school or college and are now miserable? In my idealism, I have always just wanted a girl to like me before i start spending the money. As i am single and 33, its pretty obvious that that doesnt work.
The other difficult part about the transition is that the bible is idealistic and most people i know say they are strict adherants to the virtues taught in the book. But what people say and what they do in reality are quite different. Blessed are the peacemakers. How? In America? How? Difficult for a rich man to get into heaven? if so, why do all americans want to be rich? Do unto others?
That is the idealism that i have had to deal with in my head as i watch reality all around me. In reality, the Christian prays and asks for forgiveness. This is much easier than to repremand oneself from doing with one knows they shouldnt before they do it.
I fear if i try to lead an idealistic life much longer, i will go insane. Seriously. It just doesnt fit. The real world and idealism. Because in the end, people just bend their logic to fit their needs; just as I am doing. So ill rewrite some of the rules that i have until now strictly denied myself.
1) Choose two or three positive things to do that will give back to society; the rest of the time be a bit selfish.
2) Dont put anyone, ANYONE above getting angry at. Just because of someone's position is no reason to believe they are above getting angry at.
3) Ignore some things you dont want to hear or dont have time for. We owe ourselves first, then our kids, and everyone else can wait.
4) Sometimes its ok to use people, just do your best not to mislead them. Tell them that they cant have what they want out of you, and if they still want to be around you, that is on them.
5) Dont worry about what someone you barely know or may never see again will think about you or your race. Someone wants to think all black people are a certain way because of how i am can think it. Its not my job to always represent my race.
6) Keep the people that are good for you in your life and push away those that are not. You dont have to take crap off of people because of who they are. We all have the ability to say yes or no to a phonecall/email/snail mail. besides, life is too short.
7) Modesty is good sometimes, but sometimes is better to just get yours. Sometimes modesty means that the fat woman at the table gets the T bone steak and you get the chopped steak.
8) Dont take crap off of people that dont give you money, help, or a chance at success. If they arent helping you in any way, there is no reason to take their crap. If they are helping you and you need the money, do what you gotta. The day you dont need them, dont take crap from them. It is the decision of the giver to give each time they do. That is what loans are for.
9) Do what you want to do. Not everyday, not all the time, but some times. Even if you do it alone, it doesnt matter.
10) Be your own best friend. Im good at this one. The need for having good friends is overrated at best. If you are happy being with yourself then it doesnt really matter how many friends you have. because in reality people that have 100's of friends really only have a few that are down for them in the hardest of times. Which probably isnt much different from the person with few friends.
Living my life this way makes it much easier to deal with things. I just hope when i leave this planet, the good i have done doubles or even triples the bad.
Then i would consider my life a success.
I have always been an idealist. It has always bothered me when i see things that are wrong, bothered to the point of wanting to fix it. Be it giving a homeless man a couple bucks, give a ride to someone, being a listening ear, sometimes even sacrificing time.
As i have gotten older, i see that people take advantage of people that are giving. Its not a good thing, but it is the truth. Look around any you can always see it. People looking to take advantage of other's generosity. At some point, the generous person has to look at the situation and say, "I am willing to be generous until X point."
Being idealistic has made several things much more difficult. Dating women particularly. Women are won with the exterior, with the flash. Even when they dont admit that they favor the tall, flamboyant, cocky type over the practical, modest type; their actions suggest that they do. How many women married that guy they though was hot from high school or college and are now miserable? In my idealism, I have always just wanted a girl to like me before i start spending the money. As i am single and 33, its pretty obvious that that doesnt work.
The other difficult part about the transition is that the bible is idealistic and most people i know say they are strict adherants to the virtues taught in the book. But what people say and what they do in reality are quite different. Blessed are the peacemakers. How? In America? How? Difficult for a rich man to get into heaven? if so, why do all americans want to be rich? Do unto others?
That is the idealism that i have had to deal with in my head as i watch reality all around me. In reality, the Christian prays and asks for forgiveness. This is much easier than to repremand oneself from doing with one knows they shouldnt before they do it.
I fear if i try to lead an idealistic life much longer, i will go insane. Seriously. It just doesnt fit. The real world and idealism. Because in the end, people just bend their logic to fit their needs; just as I am doing. So ill rewrite some of the rules that i have until now strictly denied myself.
1) Choose two or three positive things to do that will give back to society; the rest of the time be a bit selfish.
2) Dont put anyone, ANYONE above getting angry at. Just because of someone's position is no reason to believe they are above getting angry at.
3) Ignore some things you dont want to hear or dont have time for. We owe ourselves first, then our kids, and everyone else can wait.
4) Sometimes its ok to use people, just do your best not to mislead them. Tell them that they cant have what they want out of you, and if they still want to be around you, that is on them.
5) Dont worry about what someone you barely know or may never see again will think about you or your race. Someone wants to think all black people are a certain way because of how i am can think it. Its not my job to always represent my race.
6) Keep the people that are good for you in your life and push away those that are not. You dont have to take crap off of people because of who they are. We all have the ability to say yes or no to a phonecall/email/snail mail. besides, life is too short.
7) Modesty is good sometimes, but sometimes is better to just get yours. Sometimes modesty means that the fat woman at the table gets the T bone steak and you get the chopped steak.
8) Dont take crap off of people that dont give you money, help, or a chance at success. If they arent helping you in any way, there is no reason to take their crap. If they are helping you and you need the money, do what you gotta. The day you dont need them, dont take crap from them. It is the decision of the giver to give each time they do. That is what loans are for.
9) Do what you want to do. Not everyday, not all the time, but some times. Even if you do it alone, it doesnt matter.
10) Be your own best friend. Im good at this one. The need for having good friends is overrated at best. If you are happy being with yourself then it doesnt really matter how many friends you have. because in reality people that have 100's of friends really only have a few that are down for them in the hardest of times. Which probably isnt much different from the person with few friends.
Living my life this way makes it much easier to deal with things. I just hope when i leave this planet, the good i have done doubles or even triples the bad.
Then i would consider my life a success.
Dealing with Dad.
First, i will start this post off by saying that i dont hate my father. I care for him very much.
I think one of the more difficult things for black people and more specifically black men to deal with is losing a mother. In many black families, it is the woman who holds things together if not runs the family herself. I have seen this with my big sister who dealt with many men, but during time, made a place for her children. It doesnt matter that you dont get the present that you WANT but you get the present that you NEED.
I have had to deal with the opposite. After mom dying at 15, the little things stopped happening. "I dont believe in christmas so no christmas tree this year." "you didnt get me anything for my birthday so i why should i get you anything?" "I want you to pay rent to live here while you are looking for a place" "Ill sell you your first car." Happy birthday via email and phone calls and not by presents or birthday cards. Months at a time passing by without a call from your long remaining parent. Going back "home" and not wanting to be there. Hearing my father talk at length about other women but not a single phone call of the anniversery of her passing date.
I miss my mother mostly because she was home. When she was at home, it was home. I havent been back to the states in almost 3 years. in that time, ive been to Thailand and Vietnam. Its not that hard to travel. Now, there is no home for me except where i make it. The unfortunate part is that i have been trying so hard to fill in some of the gaps by sending the presents and making the phonecalls. By sending the cards and buying the presents when i go overseas. Little things that magically happened for us when we had a mother.
Its tough dealing with him without a mediator. Very very tough. Mainly because he is always right. But that is the joy of being a Pierce. Strong personalities, plenty of food to eat, strong religious convictions, and no money. Everyday the farm that my grandfather spend 40 + years working to own spends abandoned, the more i am ashamed of his immediate family. Im sure my grandfather didnt see the farm that was the center of all of our christmas meetings being abandoned after his death.
I guess there comes a time when you just have to accept things as they are and not wish for anything more. I guess im there now, and it makes it easier to deal with things. Many people's families whould visit them overseas once in 7 years. Many people's families continue to exchange gifts no matter how old everyone gets. Some families help either with money, investing, career planning, and connections. And Some families can put aside their differences to have a nice vacation celebration every so often.
Much to my shagrin, it appears that I am no longer from such a family.
But finally coming to the point where i can admit it, and not feel like it is my job to return the family back to the "glory days" of mom's thanksgiving dinners and grandad's farm, well it makes me feel better.
I think one of the more difficult things for black people and more specifically black men to deal with is losing a mother. In many black families, it is the woman who holds things together if not runs the family herself. I have seen this with my big sister who dealt with many men, but during time, made a place for her children. It doesnt matter that you dont get the present that you WANT but you get the present that you NEED.
I have had to deal with the opposite. After mom dying at 15, the little things stopped happening. "I dont believe in christmas so no christmas tree this year." "you didnt get me anything for my birthday so i why should i get you anything?" "I want you to pay rent to live here while you are looking for a place" "Ill sell you your first car." Happy birthday via email and phone calls and not by presents or birthday cards. Months at a time passing by without a call from your long remaining parent. Going back "home" and not wanting to be there. Hearing my father talk at length about other women but not a single phone call of the anniversery of her passing date.
I miss my mother mostly because she was home. When she was at home, it was home. I havent been back to the states in almost 3 years. in that time, ive been to Thailand and Vietnam. Its not that hard to travel. Now, there is no home for me except where i make it. The unfortunate part is that i have been trying so hard to fill in some of the gaps by sending the presents and making the phonecalls. By sending the cards and buying the presents when i go overseas. Little things that magically happened for us when we had a mother.
Its tough dealing with him without a mediator. Very very tough. Mainly because he is always right. But that is the joy of being a Pierce. Strong personalities, plenty of food to eat, strong religious convictions, and no money. Everyday the farm that my grandfather spend 40 + years working to own spends abandoned, the more i am ashamed of his immediate family. Im sure my grandfather didnt see the farm that was the center of all of our christmas meetings being abandoned after his death.
I guess there comes a time when you just have to accept things as they are and not wish for anything more. I guess im there now, and it makes it easier to deal with things. Many people's families whould visit them overseas once in 7 years. Many people's families continue to exchange gifts no matter how old everyone gets. Some families help either with money, investing, career planning, and connections. And Some families can put aside their differences to have a nice vacation celebration every so often.
Much to my shagrin, it appears that I am no longer from such a family.
But finally coming to the point where i can admit it, and not feel like it is my job to return the family back to the "glory days" of mom's thanksgiving dinners and grandad's farm, well it makes me feel better.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Hiatus
Yep, finally decided to return to my neglected blog.
For several reason i suppose. Being in japan, there are times when my computer is more life like than the world around me. What i have come to find is that most of the people here know their world is unreceptive and in need of change. But no one has the courage to step out and change it.
Its not my job to change asian society anyways, so i guess ill leave that to them.
What is happening in my life right now? I will go in order of importance.
I coach middle school basketball and this years team has potential to be very good. This is basically the instrument that helps me retain my sanity here. It is the one true joy that i have here. I must be connected with basketball to be happy (unless i meet some really amazing woman, or get a really amazing chance to teach/help unfortunate kids somewhere).
I teach (assist) middle school english. Hey, i feel its my duty to stick it out at times and show that there are people like me in America. That im not a hip hopping(not that anything is wrong with it, but all black men arent Jay Z and lil Wayne), dancing, womanizing people as one my believe from the selective black media that makes it here. Sure, people can say im black and my want to distance themselves from me socially, but they cant deny my command of their language. Besides, the kids are great. Even the "bad" kids where i teach arent really that bad. They are just trying to have as much fun as possible before the party is over and they are relegated to 70 hr work weeks.
I teach private lessons. I have this one really fun private where i teach quadruplites. 2 boys and 2 girls and boy is it fun/challenging dealing with 4 8yr old japanese kids all with distinct personalities. I also teach a lesson of older adults once a week, where i met a couple of my better friends, one of who invited me to go to vietnam with him (very fun trip it was).
I have a female friend. That is about as far as i will go with that. I realized, if i spend all of my time alone, ill go crazy, so for about 3/4 days a month i entertain her. I could get to reasons why i only call her a female friend but that is a rant for another day.
I study japanese...very very sparingly. I came thinking i wanted to perfect my japanese. Now, i realize that no matter how good i get at japanese, i will still be excluded from a large part of japan because my skin is dark. I also have grown tired of people not having the forethought to simply ask, "Is Japanese ok?" before blaring our random one and two word "phrases" pronouced with japanese phonetics leaving both of us confused. I will take the JLPT this year, see if i can get level 1.
So i guess with this new start to fall, i will get back on the horse and start blogging again.
Did i mention that fall was my favorite season? ;-)
For several reason i suppose. Being in japan, there are times when my computer is more life like than the world around me. What i have come to find is that most of the people here know their world is unreceptive and in need of change. But no one has the courage to step out and change it.
Its not my job to change asian society anyways, so i guess ill leave that to them.
What is happening in my life right now? I will go in order of importance.
I coach middle school basketball and this years team has potential to be very good. This is basically the instrument that helps me retain my sanity here. It is the one true joy that i have here. I must be connected with basketball to be happy (unless i meet some really amazing woman, or get a really amazing chance to teach/help unfortunate kids somewhere).
I teach (assist) middle school english. Hey, i feel its my duty to stick it out at times and show that there are people like me in America. That im not a hip hopping(not that anything is wrong with it, but all black men arent Jay Z and lil Wayne), dancing, womanizing people as one my believe from the selective black media that makes it here. Sure, people can say im black and my want to distance themselves from me socially, but they cant deny my command of their language. Besides, the kids are great. Even the "bad" kids where i teach arent really that bad. They are just trying to have as much fun as possible before the party is over and they are relegated to 70 hr work weeks.
I teach private lessons. I have this one really fun private where i teach quadruplites. 2 boys and 2 girls and boy is it fun/challenging dealing with 4 8yr old japanese kids all with distinct personalities. I also teach a lesson of older adults once a week, where i met a couple of my better friends, one of who invited me to go to vietnam with him (very fun trip it was).
I have a female friend. That is about as far as i will go with that. I realized, if i spend all of my time alone, ill go crazy, so for about 3/4 days a month i entertain her. I could get to reasons why i only call her a female friend but that is a rant for another day.
I study japanese...very very sparingly. I came thinking i wanted to perfect my japanese. Now, i realize that no matter how good i get at japanese, i will still be excluded from a large part of japan because my skin is dark. I also have grown tired of people not having the forethought to simply ask, "Is Japanese ok?" before blaring our random one and two word "phrases" pronouced with japanese phonetics leaving both of us confused. I will take the JLPT this year, see if i can get level 1.
So i guess with this new start to fall, i will get back on the horse and start blogging again.
Did i mention that fall was my favorite season? ;-)
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